September 06, 2014


we are counting years instead of months now and every day i wish i could just slow down all the time we have with her. like how is she one guys? i still remember so clearly when we were driving to the hospital in the weeeeeeee hours of the morning and i kept telling myself not to get my hopes up because the nurses where probably going to send us home. and then when we got admitted i asked the nurse about a thousand times if she was really sure our baby was coming that day because i was beyond myself with excitement and i couldn't bare the thought of not meeting her that day. then that first announcement when we knew our mila was here; that first time i held her and never wanted to let her go; that time a high strung nurse chased jay down the hall because he wanted to show her off to his folks; that time the night nurse sang to her and rocked her forever so i could eat; those first few days when i when i was overwhelmed with love and terror; those nights i stayed up reading and reading and reading because i was sure i would eff something up; those nights i made myself not read for fear of being paranoid; those walks where i took her in her sling, just the two of us with her fast asleep and me afraid of walking too far away in case she woke up and started crying; those times i felt like i had everything under control and then realized i actually didn't; and that time i finally realized control just had a different definition now.

from day one ms. mila, you stole our hearts. but from that day we first met you, you melted us completely. we often reflect back on the day we found out we had a daughter and the first few weeks we tried to figure it all out. i can't begin to express what an honor it is to be your mama and to watch you grow daily. you are the biggest blessing we have ever known and it's hard to imagine the days before you were here, because it feels like you have always been here, right with us. 

your smile. ugh! your smile. i would try every trick in the book to make you smile kiddo- lucky for me, you kind of smile a lot. really, it's not that hard to make you happy. you are the most beautiful, genuine little creature and we seriously can't get enough of you. to our baby girl, we love you a million times over.


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